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GranoVita Organic Herb Pâté

Contains: “sustainable” palm oil, nuts, soy Free from: wheat You know shit’s fucked up when shoving a tube down the throat of an animal to fatten up its liver to be blended up and spread on toast is seen as a reasonable means of providing a staple food product to a middle class household. Yeah,…

Tesco Free-From Millionaire’s Dessert

Contains: palm oil, soya  Free from: nuts, wheat I SAID I WAS DONE WITH TESCO’S CHILLED DESSERTS. WELL, GUESS WHAT. I FUCKING LIED. And you know what? I’M GLAD I DID. I have pretty much hated all the chilled desserts Tesco have pumped out because they all taste overwhelmingly of coconut and that shit does…

Tesco Free-From Rice Pudding with Strawberry

Free from: gluten, nuts, palm oil, soy Let’s get one thing straight: I am so fucking done with Tesco’s dairy-alternative desserts. Why am I so done? THEY ALL. TASTE. LIKE GODDAMN. COCONUT. I feel like I’ve said this a million times. It’s like they bulk-bought a dick tonne of coconut milk and went “ah crap,…

Taifun Tofu Wiener

Contains: gluten, soy Free From: nuts, palm oil I used to live in New York and let me tell ya, the hot-dogs there and single handedly the most delicious and most disgusting thing you could ever possibly put in your mouth. There’s just something about stuffing your face with a warm hot-dog smothered in ketchup…

Tesco Free From Garlic Dough Balls

Contains: palm oil Free From: nuts, gluten, soy Everybody likes garlic dough balls. They’re like garlic bread, but without anyone having to punch a family member in the face in a fight to the death over who has to eat the crusty end piece. SO. You can imagine my excitement when wandering the frozen aisle…

Quorn Fishless Fingers

Contains: gluten Free From: soy, palm oil, nuts PRAISE BE TO QUORN FOR FISHLESS FINGERS. I’m 90% sure that every British kid grew up with fish fingers as a staple part of their diet. A while after I went vegan, someone casually mentioned fish finger sandwiches to me and still a little part of my…

Tesco Free-From Blackcurrant Cheese Cakes

Contains: palm oil Free From: nuts, soy, gluten “VEGAN CHEESECAKE?! Sign me the fuck up.” -me, in Tesco “What in the HELL KIND OF SICK GAME ARE THEY PLAYING?!” -me, after eating this plastic cup of disappointment This shit is not cheesecake. It is coconut pudding desperately masquerading as something that could maybe be perceived…