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Tesco Free-From Cheese with Peppercorns

Contains: soy Free from: wheat, palm oil, nuts Do you want to try a cheese that will punch you square in the fucking face? No? Me either. But I did. Because SCIENCE. And also because it is the latest addition to the free-from coconut alternative cheese range at Tesco, so how could I refuse? This…

Tesco Free-From Rocky Road Bites

Contains: palm oil, soy Free from: nuts, wheat I bloody love rocky road. I don’t give a fuck about you sultana-hating purists, rocky road is the shit and I will fight you. The worst part about most free-from rocky road bites is that they are sneakily non-vegan. Seriously, why the fuck would you go to…

Tesco Free-From Mac and Cheese

Contains: soy Free From: wheat, palm oil, nuts I fucking LOVE mac and cheese. Do you know how long I waited for this shit to hit the shelves?! I grew up on Kraft mac, that real fine shit from a cardboard box, so to be able to have nutritionally lacking quick-cook cheesy goodness back in…

Tesco Free-From Millionaire’s Dessert

Contains: palm oil, soya  Free from: nuts, wheat I SAID I WAS DONE WITH TESCO’S CHILLED DESSERTS. WELL, GUESS WHAT. I FUCKING LIED. And you know what? I’M GLAD I DID. I have pretty much hated all the chilled desserts Tesco have pumped out because they all taste overwhelmingly of coconut and that shit does…

Tesco Free-From Rice Pudding with Strawberry

Free from: gluten, nuts, palm oil, soy Let’s get one thing straight: I am so fucking done with Tesco’s dairy-alternative desserts. Why am I so done? THEY ALL. TASTE. LIKE GODDAMN. COCONUT. I feel like I’ve said this a million times. It’s like they bulk-bought a dick tonne of coconut milk and went “ah crap,…

Tesco Free From Garlic Dough Balls

Contains: palm oil Free From: nuts, gluten, soy Everybody likes garlic dough balls. They’re like garlic bread, but without anyone having to punch a family member in the face in a fight to the death over who has to eat the crusty end piece. SO. You can imagine my excitement when wandering the frozen aisle…

Tesco Free-From Blackcurrant Cheese Cakes

Contains: palm oil Free From: nuts, soy, gluten “VEGAN CHEESECAKE?! Sign me the fuck up.” -me, in Tesco “What in the HELL KIND OF SICK GAME ARE THEY PLAYING?!” -me, after eating this plastic cup of disappointment This shit is not cheesecake. It is coconut pudding desperately masquerading as something that could maybe be perceived…