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FOOD FOR TOOTHLESS VEGAN

SEND HELP I AM REALLY FUCKING HIGH AND THERE ARE LESS THEETH IN MY SKULL. WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT???? FUCKING  JELLY AND ICECREAM MOTHERFUCKERS. STEP ONE: Swedish Glace Vanilla. 2 scoops. STEP THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BEFORE ONE: Two pots of Hartley’s raspberry jelly, chopped up into a bowl. Throw that shit together, things…

Goupie Chocolate Boxes

Contains: most chocolates contain gluten and soya, some contain nuts. The worst thing about going vegan 2 and a half years ago was not being able to pick up anything better than a ridiculously dark bar of chocolate from a supermarket when those Cadbury cravings hit. Seriously, have you tried some of that shit? It’s…

Punk on the Road: Amsterdam Edition

We all know why you’re thinking of travelling to Dam… for the museums, architecture, and some good old canal tours. So to fuel you through all that sightseeing – because obviously that’ll work up an appetite… some may say it’ll give you the munchies – I’ve hunted down some awesome vegan food joints (joint? what?…

GranoVita Organic Herb Pâté

Contains: “sustainable” palm oil, nuts, soy Free from: wheat You know shit’s fucked up when shoving a tube down the throat of an animal to fatten up its liver to be blended up and spread on toast is seen as a reasonable means of providing a staple food product to a middle class household. Yeah,…

GranoVita Mock Duck

Contains: wheat, soy Free from: nuts, palm oil When I opened my can of mock duck, I experienced a feeling of complete and utter repulsion that until this day I thought would be reserved for the unlikely event of Boris Johnson dropping his trousers and sexually propositioning me. Splaying the clammy, flesh-toned”meat” on my kitchen…

Linda McCartney Pulled Chicken

Contains: wheat, soya Free From: palm oil, nuts Seeing as Ryan loved Linda’s shredded duck so much I thought fuck it, the chicken must be just as good. Opening the packet I thought “well, this is some flaky bullshit right here”. I thought they fucked up, that instead of moist and tender chicken shreds I…

Tesco Free-From Millionaire’s Dessert

Contains: palm oil, soya  Free from: nuts, wheat I SAID I WAS DONE WITH TESCO’S CHILLED DESSERTS. WELL, GUESS WHAT. I FUCKING LIED. And you know what? I’M GLAD I DID. I have pretty much hated all the chilled desserts Tesco have pumped out because they all taste overwhelmingly of coconut and that shit does…