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FOOD FOR TOOTHLESS VEGAN

SEND HELP I AM REALLY FUCKING HIGH AND THERE ARE LESS THEETH IN MY SKULL. WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT???? FUCKING  JELLY AND ICECREAM MOTHERFUCKERS. STEP ONE: Swedish Glace Vanilla. 2 scoops. STEP THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BEFORE ONE: Two pots of Hartley’s raspberry jelly, chopped up into a bowl. Throw that shit together, things…

Goupie Chocolate Boxes

Contains: most chocolates contain gluten and soya, some contain nuts. The worst thing about going vegan 2 and a half years ago was not being able to pick up anything better than a ridiculously dark bar of chocolate from a supermarket when those Cadbury cravings hit. Seriously, have you tried some of that shit? It’s…

Punk on the Road: Amsterdam Edition

We all know why you’re thinking of travelling to Dam… for the museums, architecture, and some good old canal tours. So to fuel you through all that sightseeing – because obviously that’ll work up an appetite… some may say it’ll give you the munchies – I’ve hunted down some awesome vegan food joints (joint? what?…

GranoVita Organic Herb Pâté

Contains: “sustainable” palm oil, nuts, soy Free from: wheat You know shit’s fucked up when shoving a tube down the throat of an animal to fatten up its liver to be blended up and spread on toast is seen as a reasonable means of providing a staple food product to a middle class household. Yeah,…

GranoVita Mock Duck

Contains: wheat, soy Free from: nuts, palm oil When I opened my can of mock duck, I experienced a feeling of complete and utter repulsion that until this day I thought would be reserved for the unlikely event of Boris Johnson dropping his trousers and sexually propositioning me. Splaying the clammy, flesh-toned”meat” on my kitchen…

Tesco Free-From Millionaire’s Dessert

Contains: palm oil, soya  Free from: nuts, wheat I SAID I WAS DONE WITH TESCO’S CHILLED DESSERTS. WELL, GUESS WHAT. I FUCKING LIED. And you know what? I’M GLAD I DID. I have pretty much hated all the chilled desserts Tesco have pumped out because they all taste overwhelmingly of coconut and that shit does…

Linda McCartney Mini Pork & Apple Sausage Rolls

Contains: palm oil, wheat, soya Free From: nuts My Nana always makes sausage rolls from scratch EVERY YEAR for Christmas. It’s her thing, along with guilting me for being vegan and not eating her sausage rolls that she made from scratch specially for Christmas. Personally, I don’t believe that sausage rolls should be restricted to…