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FOOD FOR TOOTHLESS VEGAN

SEND HELP I AM REALLY FUCKING HIGH AND THERE ARE LESS THEETH IN MY SKULL. WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT???? FUCKING  JELLY AND ICECREAM MOTHERFUCKERS. STEP ONE: Swedish Glace Vanilla. 2 scoops. STEP THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BEFORE ONE: Two pots of Hartley’s raspberry jelly, chopped up into a bowl. Throw that shit together, things…

Tesco Free-From Millionaire’s Dessert

Contains: palm oil, soya  Free from: nuts, wheat I SAID I WAS DONE WITH TESCO’S CHILLED DESSERTS. WELL, GUESS WHAT. I FUCKING LIED. And you know what? I’M GLAD I DID. I have pretty much hated all the chilled desserts Tesco have pumped out because they all taste overwhelmingly of coconut and that shit does…

Tesco Free-From Rice Pudding with Strawberry

Free from: gluten, nuts, palm oil, soy Let’s get one thing straight: I am so fucking done with Tesco’s dairy-alternative desserts. Why am I so done? THEY ALL. TASTE. LIKE GODDAMN. COCONUT. I feel like I’ve said this a million times. It’s like they bulk-bought a dick tonne of coconut milk and went “ah crap,…

Tesco Free-From Blackcurrant Cheese Cakes

Contains: palm oil Free From: nuts, soy, gluten “VEGAN CHEESECAKE?! Sign me the fuck up.” -me, in Tesco “What in the HELL KIND OF SICK GAME ARE THEY PLAYING?!” -me, after eating this plastic cup of disappointment This shit is not cheesecake. It is coconut pudding desperately masquerading as something that could maybe be perceived…

Tesco’s Chocolate and Hazelnut Churros

Contains: Gluten, Nuts Free from: Palm Oil, Soy A favourite at festivals and fairs, nothing beats the warmth of a chocolate churro and for £2 you can have 12 mini ones in the freezer. Currently one of the only churro options available, these quick-fix puddings are a Tesco exclusive that can be found in the…