Contains: Wheat

Free from: Palm Oil, Nuts, Soya

Special shout out to a couple of JFP fans for giving me this to try out. Now, without sounding horribly offensive to those who gifted them, the orange hockey pucks (see below) were possibly not the worst thing I’ve tried from Cauldron. We’ll get to where they rank on my burger scale (hail Linda) but my first point of contention is the pricing. For £2.50 you’ll receive two small and very cylindrical cakes. Fairly expensive when compared with both the meat and other vegan options.

We all remember what a meat patty felt like. Thick, juicy and chunky – something with a little substance to it. Cauldron clearly don’t.  It has some bite to it (some of us like a little chunkiness, what can I say) but what should’ve been a bite of burger suddenly turned out to be a baby food. I’m not necessarily against mash either – mashed potatoes? Yes. Mashed peas? Oh, most definitely. Mashed beans? Um, maybe not. It’s not terrible but it definitely doesn’t live up as a burger especially as it comes off as a dry paste. It’s as if a trucker had ran over a tin of Heinz’ best and left it to sizzle on the asphalt for a few days. There are a few chunks of beans and other indiscernible vegetables present, but it all amounts to the same soft, mushy texture that leaves you with the mouthfeel equivalent of regurgitated bird food.

Taste? I would say it’s somewhat acquired but it’s also something I grew to like. Having eaten a dry one (just dry sand) and a saucy one (just wet sand), any sauce helps to disguise its texture and focus more on its flavour which I would recommend. It’s got a strong bean taste, not quite refried beans but more like pinto. Again, not unpleasant but not exactly going to knock Linda off her throne.

Overall? Not bad. I wouldn’t buy them on a regular basis or even on a singular basis after this taste test. Texture gets it a solid 1/5 but the taste is honestly a bit of a saviour (hail Jesus Taste, the saviour of food). It would not, under any circumstances, make an accurate substitute. Nope, no, nein, never.

• My Rating: 3/5
• Omnivore Score: 1/5
• Overall: 2/5

Find this product at: Tesco’s, Saisnbury’s, Morrison’s and other stores.