Contains: Soya, Wheat

Free from: Palm Oil, Nuts

I won’t lie, my initial reasons for choosing this were so 1- I could tease G for her love for children’s yoghurt desserts (or fun time yoghurts as she calls them) and 2- I fancied something smooth and creamy (heh) to cool myself down on a hot day like this. What better than a chocolate yoghurt, right? For £1.79 for a four-pack, it’s reasonably priced.

I didn’t feel that there was going to be much wrong with this product. How hard can it be to screw up a yoghurt? For Provamel’s sake, I’m hoping the answer to that is really fecking easy. Opening the pot greets you with some lumpy, sticky… mass? Its consistency looks like that of raw egg white (eugh, eggs. We hate eggs) and the way my spoon just plops it’s way in tells me everything I needed to know. As you can see, its texture can only be described as gelatinous. Not like a pleasant, fun jello kinda way, more of a… semen-y kind of way? It’s not pleasing to the mouth in terms of feel. Even if it were marketed as a jelly I’d still be a little disgusted. It’s as if Flubber went blackface and tried to crawl in your mouth.

Taste is a slight pick-me-up. It’s got clear chocolate tones but closer to cocoa powder than a Cadbury’s bar. Not necessarily unpleasant but it’s more raw than anything else. However, it’s not enough to make me want to buy this on the regular. I feel I may have been a little harsh on Provamel here. Sure their jello-gurt abomination was offputting but it was did cool me down and it was smooth and creamy… Just more of a sometimes food than a must have dinner date dessert.

• My Rating: 3/5
• Omnivore Score: 1/5
• Overall: 2/5

Find this product at: Tesco, Sainsbury’s Morrisons, Holland & Barret and various health food stores.