Tesco Free-From Millionaire’s Dessert

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Contains: palm oil, soya 

Free from: nuts, wheat

I SAID I WAS DONE WITH TESCO’S CHILLED DESSERTS. WELL, GUESS WHAT. I FUCKING LIED.

And you know what?

I’M GLAD I DID.

I have pretty much hated all the chilled desserts Tesco have pumped out because they all taste overwhelmingly of coconut and that shit does not fly with me.

THIS, however, is a game changer.

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It doesn’t look like much, but this NON-COCONUTTY coconut-based dessert is rich, smooth, and has the perfect chocolate:biscuit:caramel ratio. The top layer of dark chocolate mousse is dense enough to make you feel like you didn’t pay £1.50 for three unsatisfying spoonfuls of pudding, but light enough that you forget that ONE POT CONTAINS 59% OF YOUR DAILY SATURATES (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). FIFTY FUCKING NINE. I know we’re the Junkfood Punks but WHAT THE HELL, TESCO?!

The biscuit layer is exactly the same as that of Tesco’s Free-From Cheesecake. It is still that weak, crumbly chaos we have come to expect; the difference here is that because it isn’t supposedly a weight-bearing “base” you can look past its structural insufficiencies and just enjoy the flaky shortbread as it is.

At the very bottom of this child-size pot you’ll find the salted caramel sauce. It’s alright.

Seriously the caramel sauce is just kinda… caramel sauce. Like, great, you remembered to put it in AND it doesn’t taste like coconut but I’m not giving you a round of applause for something painfully average. It’s not quite as “luxurious” and “indulgent” as Tesco’s marketing team would have you believe.

All in all, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised and actually really enjoyed this dessert. Nice one, Tesco. But still, at £1.50 a pot and with 59% of my daily saturates in one serving, I think I’ll just skip dessert and go straight to the wine instead.

  • My Rating – 4/5
  • Omnivore Score – 4/5
  • Overall – 4/5

Find this product at: Tesco.

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