Contains: Soya, Gluten

Free from: Nuts, Palm Oil,

I didn’t actually know what to expect when trying these out. Hell, I didn’t even really know what a “strip” was but given my past experience I expected it to be smothered in breadcrumbs and taste like the colour grey. Fast forward to now and I’m sat with a bellyful of Fry’s and tears in my eyes. For £3.59 you too can have this in your life (though, I won’t lie, I frowned at my receipt for a good ten fucking minutes).

So what IS a chicken strip? The answer is a fairly sad looking, warped slab of what looks like tofu. To put it in other terms, if it were a person it would be a dishevelled, old man sat waiting in the rain for a bus that’s never going to arrive. It’s only when I bit into it I understood everything. The outside is dry and unfriendly but it creates a texture that sort of forms a nice skin around the strip, giving it points in the omni-department. Not too chewy, not too hard and just the right amount of bite. If you leave them on the stove for long enough you should end up with a nice browning crust on it too. The inner texture? Actually… it’s pretty non-descript, the strips are thin enough that you notice the skin, a brief change to a softer (not mushy) medium then back to skin. If it were a person, they’d be the middle child.

Something stirred deep within me when I took my first bite. What was it? Five year old me had realised he was eating a cruelty-free chicken goujon. That’s correct. These are 10/10 exactly the same in taste as your childhood favourite dinner that would have you sat so close to the oven door your eyes melted. Sure 90% of the reason we ate them we because of the breadcrumby skin (and because child nutrition has fallen to shit… thanks Capitalism) but the taste brought up enough nostalgia to set my tastebuds on fire. If it were a person, it’d chubby six year old me witch ketchup on my shirt and happy as tits.

Can you feed this to an unwitting ominivore? Hell yea, I’d just make sure to bury it under something and make it as well disguised as you can because for all its plusses, it still looks like twigs and dying tofu.

• My Rating: 5/5
• Omnivore Score: 3/5
• Overall: 4/5

Find this product at: Ocado, Holland & Barrett, Morrisons, fryfamilyfood.com and various health food stores.