Tofurky Tempeh Smoky Maple Bacon

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Contains: Soya, Gluten

Free from: Nuts, Palm Oil

If you’re vegan then you’ve no doubt heard “I couldn’t do it, I love bacon too much” or “don’t you miss bacon?” a million times. Tofurkey have tried to bridge that gap as best they can, and whilst there’s a fair few “fake-on” products on the market, these sounded pretty appealing. They’re not the most readily available brand but can usually be found in health and whole food stores for around £3.75, making them wildly expensive considering the quality itself.

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To preface this, I’ve never been a fan of the idea of vegan bacon. It’s never looked appetizing to me. Tofurkey is no exception here as where I was promised rashers of bacon, I got  long, thin slices of wet sausage. It didn’t look like it was going to provide the right texture and the small streaks of white “fat” were also somewhat unappealing. Taking the first few bites, I was proved 100% correct. The texture is chunky,  similar to an uncooked potato. Sure, it browns up nicely and you can get a good burnt crust on it, but it’s totally lacking in the bacon texture. There’s no chewiness, no leathery bite and it just doesn’t break up the same.

Whoever is in charge of the flavouring seems to have either never eaten bacon or drowned their sorrows in sweet and smoky BBQ sauce. There are literally no other flavours to these tempeh strips. The mouth-puckering salty taste? Nope, you couldn’t even pray for it. It does, however, have a good bacon-esque smell when you’re cooking them which is half the reason I used to eat bacon. I personally tried these in a sandwich and they were just about edible then, but if I wanted the same effect at half the price, I would’ve slathered a spud in some Heinz. Gross.

Are there any redeeming factors? Honestly, no. I wouldn’t buy these more than once and their price tag puts me off even more. As for whether you could slip it into an unsuspecting omnivore’s food, it’s less convincing than Richard Nixon’s secretary. Not only would they know you were trying to Shanghai them out of real bacon, but they would (and should) be brutally offended.

  • My Rating: 1/5
  • Omnivore Score: 1/5
  • Overall: 1/5

Find this product at: Holland & Barret, http://www.planetorganic.com, various health food stores or just don’t.

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